Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
