so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
