And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
