There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
