haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
