i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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