your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
