and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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