The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
