stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
