when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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