where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
