Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
