That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
