Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
