I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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