my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
