Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
