I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
