Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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