There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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