its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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