That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
