just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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