Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
