I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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