"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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