but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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