it was like eating out sand paper
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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