Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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