Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
