Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
