Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
