Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
