the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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