You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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