alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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