She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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