have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
