Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
