Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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