new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
