So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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