He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
