There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
