put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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