CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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