is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
