I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
