Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
