I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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