He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
