so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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