You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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