I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
