My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
