One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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